Follicular Cancer Lady - Chapter 16: Are You Feeling Tired at All?

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Chapter 16
"Are You Feeling Tired at All?"
9/7/04

Last Monday I paid yet another visit to my oncologist. The purpose of this visit was basically to stick a fork in me and see if I'm ready (for radioactive iodine). After the nurse took my blood, the doctor (who's still pouting because Lord Endocron gave me Cytomel) came in to lecture me on how badly I'd done on the test 2 weeks ago and that he didn't think the results would be good enough this time either. (2 weeks ago I got 1.9--- I need 60.) Then he said if I didn't start performing better he would send a note home to my mom and I'd have to go without recess for a week. (To paint a mental picture, I think my oncologist was that kid the teacher always picked to watch the class when she left.)

To give Sir Donkey-Bottom a little credit, he did at least feign interest in how I was feeling by finally looking up from the chart and saying "So…are you feeling tired at all?"

(I would spend the next 3 hours trying to come up with a snappy comeback to that statement).

Fantasy response: "Am I feeling TIRED at all? AM I FEELING TIRED AT ALL? Are you JOKING!? YOU don't know what tired IS mister!! All I do is cry all day because I feel exhausted but I CAN'T SLEEP! I'm stuck in some sort of limbo sleep HELL! I have the attention span of a toddler. I can't think straight or remember what I read 5 minutes ago and most of the time I can't manage a full sentence without forgetting what I was talking about! AM I @&%#ing TIRED AT ALL?!?! YES, Sir Donkey-Bottom, I am tired. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of eating plain rice cakes. I'm tired of a brain so foggy I have to re-read chapters of Harry Potter because I forgot what happened. I'm tired of not knowing exactly when you will lock me in a tower and radiate me. But most of all I'm--TIRED--OF--YOU!"

Actual response: "Umm…yeah….b-but I can't sleep"

He didn't really respond except to say that he'd see me in two weeks. Desparately trying to shorten my prison sentence I said, well what if my number is pretty high now? He scoffed and said the test results wouldn't be back for 5 days (whatever) but if the number was high enough I could come in a week to get tested again. I asked him what number was "high enough" and his answer was, "Look, I'd love to tell you you're ready but I just don't think it's going to happen" as he scooted out the door.

At that point I think I had steam coming out my ears. I mean really, if I could make my pituitary gland pump TSH faster, trust me I would. I've tried everything--bribes, pep talks. I even tried reverse psychology (I bet you can't work faster you good for nothing pituitary gland!) But I guess it just has to work at it's own pace. So all I can do is wait. Wait as I continue to slide downhill. Wait to go on thyroid medication. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

So I got my test results two days later-- 38.3!! Yay, I'm getting there! Of course the higher that number goes, the worse I feel, but I felt like having a party when I heard that. After I put Sir Donkey-Bottom in a headlock he said I could come in today to get tested again instead of next week. One small victory for Follicular Cancer Lady! I also told Sir Donkey-Bottom in no uncertain terms that if he does not lock me in that tower soon for Radioactive Iodine, armies of follicular cancer ladies everywhere would rise up against him!! That is, if they have the energy to get off the couch...

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