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Chapter 2 "Does this thing have a Hemi?" 6/28/04 On the day of my surgery we had to be at the hospital at 6am! That was painful enough. The plan was, they take out the part of my thyroid with the big lump, look at it under a microscope while I'm still knocked out, if it's cancerous they take out the other side with the little bumps, if it's not they leave the other side, but either way I get a luxiourious night stay in a hospital suite complete with bedside service and all the jello and grits I can eat (which it turns out wasn't a lot). So we arrive at the hospital, sign in at the desk, and stare at the poster of a dangling kitten that says "hang in there". I'm not sure who thought a terrified kitten struggling on a tree limb was a good idea for a poster, but nonetheless there it was. Then they took Danny and me up to the "get ready" room. It's really more like a big white box with one chair, a TV hanging from the ceiling and a big clock under that. So if you make it to this room one of two things is about to happen: a) you're going to have surgery or b) you're in a holding cell and are about to be tortured with Mariah Carey's box office smash "Glitter".  As soon as they handed me that famous backless gown, I knew which one I was in for. Surgery--What a relief! For a brief moment I was scared I would have to watch--"Glitter" NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
My husband sat beside me and held my hand. Then came the tears. The nurse rushed over cooing that everything would be fine. After a few minutes of soothing words and boxes of tissues she said, "Ok, now that your husband's calm, can I take your urine sample?" Nothing says glee like a cup full of pee is what I always say. Of course, this is right after I have just gone to the bathroom for the second time that morning. (Note to readers: If you will ever need a cup of my urine, please warn me in advance, as I am used to operating on a pee-as-needed basis and may not have anything left to give you). It just wasn't going to happen. So I handed the nurse my empty cup, she sighed, strapped me to a gurney, and we started our way down to the pre-op room. I don't think I can quite explain how oddly hilarious it feels to be a perfectly healthy, bare-assed person being carted around in a bed by a stranger. The pre-op room reminded me of a MASH episode. There were people on gurneys lined up against the wall separated by sheets hanging from the ceiling. There wasn't room for me so they had to move me over to post-op to wait.  The next 20 minutes were filled with different doctors and nurses who came over and asked me to explain my surgery to them. This is either so they could make sure everyone is on the same page or because they really don't know what they're supposed to do and are too embarassed to ask the doctor. Then they started the anesthesia drip and the next thing I remember is waking up in the recovery room--having to pee of course(where's that cup when I need it?). I had to pee twice while I was in the recovery room, which is so humiliating because basically someone has to put a metal pan under your ass and then give you a towel to wipe off. You are not alone in the recovery room, it's a big room full of gurneys containing people who also just had surgery. But it doesn't matter so much because you're still kind of out of it.
As soon as there was a room ready they took me upstairs. My family and Danny were waiting for me but I barely remember them being there because I was still a little loopy. The surgery had gone well, it turned out that it wasn't cancerous so they only took out the one side. |