| Home | Adventures | Contact Info | Links |
|
Chapter 18 "Lord Endocron Saves the Day" 9/12/04  So last Thursday I had this awful dream. I'm sitting in Sir Donkey-Bottom's office, only it looks like my high school guidance counselor's office. I'm looking around at the framed McDonald's menus on the wall when Sir Donkey-Bottom (dressed as Elton John) comes in. He looks at me and smugly says "I'm sorry, but you're going to have to wait another 8-10 weeks for radioactive iodine--and you failed chemistry so you have to re-take it over summer." I then did what any self-respecting patient would have done...  I gave him a wedgie (he probably got a lot of those at school, he strikes me as the tattletale type---Teeeacher! Lord Endocron is giving people Cytomel!!) Just as I was about to strangle him with his donkey ears, the fire alarm went off. I soon realized this was my phone ringing.
It was none other than Sir Donkey-Bottom's nurse calling with my blood results for the week. My TSH had gone DOWN from 38 to 30 (my oncologist wants me to get to 60---a normal  person's is like 2). I immediately burst into tears. Nooooooooo!!!!! This can't be happening! For a second I thought maybe I was still dreaming. I was absolutely devastated and shocked and confused. How was this possible? How much longer can I live this way? I decided to seek the wise counsel of Lord Endocron.
Lord Endocron (and apparently the rest of the medical establishment) thought that 30 was plenty high enough to do radioactive iodine (RAI).  He said at this rate I might see Haley's comet again before I saw a TSH of 60 and that waiting could be dangerous. Just a side note, if your body went without thyroid hormone for too long eventually it would slow down and come to a complete stop (until which point you are supposed to keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle). Lord Endocron told me to come in right away and he would see to it that I got the iodine as soon as possible. In fact, he said it's usually endocrinologists that set up the RAI anyway. He said he's been doing it for 25 years and he always does it at TSH of 30. He wasn't sure why the surgeon hadn't called to refer me back to him in the first place. (My surgeon told me later it was because he wrote his number down on a cocktail napkin and had lost it.)
So apparently there was no need for me to be seeing Sir Donkey-Bottom to begin with! I remembered with annoyance Sir Donkey-Bottom's first words to me. He said he was the only oncologist in ten counties that dealt with thyroid cancer "because it's a pain" (umm...hi, nice to meet you?) Suddenly it all made sense. Of course you're the only oncologist who does it you nasty git because it's the endocrinologist's job! (Git is my new favorite British word I learned from Harry Potter, I'm not sure exactly what it is but I'm pretty sure my oncologist is one.)  I followed the yellow brick road to the Endocrine city where Lord Endocron and his castle staff got to work right away on setting me up to get radiated. Lord Endocron's faithful counterpart Duchess Do-Right braved the hospital beauracracy and secured a room for me the following day!!!! The Duchess informed me that Dr. Cockie (pronounced cocky) would be my admitting physician. Great…just what I need, a doctor whose name is cocky. (Thankfully, he ended up being very pleasant.) YIPEE! Long live Lord Endocron and Duchess Do-Right!!
I actually cried tears of joy as I left the office that day. I would have jumped for joy if I had the energy. My journey is almost over. I never thought I'd be so excited to go to the hospital. I have to be in isolation for about 4 days. But once I get through this final leg of the journey, it's uphill from here! Woohooo!!!!! |